C.Faith Holland

Soul Coaching

Thought for Today 10.22.14 Day 22 of Our 30 Day Commitment to Peace October 22, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 3:07 pm
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You ask, ‘What breaks this spell of delusion? Is it determination?’ No. The Self does not need determination. You don’t need some extra strength, courage or blessing. You don’t need anything, for you are perfect and beyond need. You are Truth itself, but presently you cannot step out of what you always thought of as your self, your constructed self-image or self-portrait. Your mind is not accepting that it is already done. It is not even done. It is neither finished nor unfinished. It just Is. ~ Mooji

re-mind of beauty

 

Thought for Today Day 3 of 30 day Commitment to Peace 10.3.14 October 3, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 1:40 pm
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Forgive them, for they know not what they do. And if you condemn them, then you know not either, for you have made real that which does not exist, and you have placed a value on that which has no value.  ~ Benny

promote what you Love

 

Thought for Today 10.2.14 Day 2 of Our 30 Day Commitment to Peace October 2, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 2:36 pm
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Day 2 of Our 30 Day Commitment to Peace (see 10.1.14 post)

POWERFUL AWARENESS: Our suffering is NEVER caused by the person we are blaming. ~ Byron Katie

Our Addiction to Blame and Criticism 

The surprising (and common) habit that is draining the life out of your relationship — and how to break the pattern for good

The title of this document might sound a bit alarming, and with good reason.

I wanted to call to your attention to something that should never be taken lightly, because it has the power to destroy an intimate relationship.

I am talking about the insidious habit called blame. That’s right, blaming your partner (or yourself) can actually become an addiction — a habit you and your partner can get hooked on, and one that slowly drains the vital energy from your relationship.

Blame is the cocaine of relationships. It may even be more dangerous, because we often don’t know we are doing it, and we definitely don’t realize how bad it is for our bodies and souls. We think blame will “fix” whatever’s happening between us, or make our partner change… but it really creates more pain and distance.

It works even faster than cocaine — creating an instant jolt in our bodies that is “covering up” the real issues. It “feels good” in the moment, but its self-perpetuating cycle makes it impossible for intimacy and connection.

Here’s how it works:

Addictions Are Ineffective Coping Mechanisms

Addictions are distractions from what’s really going on inside you. When you engage in overeating, gambling, excessive spending, or any type of drug addiction, several things are at play:

First, you’re really escaping from something else: usually emotional pain, dissatisfaction, even boredom. Because these feelings are often difficult to address and require taking responsibility, we tend to shove them away. And the easiest way to do that is through addictive behavior.

The addiction serves as a distraction: You’re numbing out and not being present in the moment in an attempt to avoid facing the real issue. If you’re engaged in your addiction, you don’t have the time, the presence of mind, or the resources to deal with the underlying trigger.

At the same time, you get a “rush” of adrenaline every time you engage in the addiction. The stress hormone adrenaline is secreted in your body when we feel strong emotions such as anger, triggering the “flight or fight response.” Your body is fired up, and that can feel good.

The problem with adrenaline is that it makes you feel alive… but only for a short while. Whether it’s the sweetness of another slice of chocolate cake, the wishful potential of making a bet, or the physical effects of a narcotic, you’re jolting your body into feeling something — anything — different.

But once the feeling wears off, it’s back to being down again — face to face with the underlying demons. You need a fast and powerful “fix,” or the demons feel like they will eat you alive. So you engage in more addiction, creating a vicious cycle that ultimately results in more pain.

What Is Blame Addiction Covering Up in Your Relationship?

Blame takes on a very similar pattern in intimate relationships.

When you blame your partner, you temporarily take the focus off of yourself and throw it onto the other person. Instead of taking responsibility for your part in the situation, you create a distraction, and a very effective one. Blame is the ultimate cop-out.

Just like a “traditional” addiction, the need for blame escalates and starts to overtake our thinking. We can’t go an hour without a critical thought, or we look for reasons to blame whenever we can. It becomes our default go-to position.

But something else is also happening, and it’s a profound revelation.

Conflict creates a spike in adrenaline. Blame actually works faster than cocaine, because in less than a second, your body is infused from inside. When both partners engage in blame, it can serve as a substitute for whatever is lacking in the relationship — usually intimacy and connection.

Engaging in blame creates intense feelings, but not the good kind. Rather than coming together to solve a problem, you “point fingers” at each other and try to earn the position and rush of feeling of “being right.”

Your senses are all fired up — just as they are when you’re making love — but they are senses in opposition rather than harmony.

This just fuels more disconnection and conflict. Science tells us that since adrenaline wears off quickly, it creates a vicious cycle where the couple keeps escalating the conflict in order to stay in the “high.” You’re trying to replace the joyful feelings of love, connection, and intimacy — with the destructive adrenaline of fighting, frustration, and pain.

Blame becomes our drug, and until we quit it — cold turkey — we become slaves to it and our relationship will never flourish.

When We End Blame, We Begin to Thrive

When we made the decision to eliminate blame from our lives, we were amazed by the profound amounts of positive energy and vitality that replaced it.

When you stop blaming, something magical — and maybe a little scary — happens: Suddenly you have a lot more time on your hands!

Time to create the relationship you want together. Time for fun, and laughter. Time for your hobbies. Time for your kids. Time for self-care. For date nights.

Instead of focusing all your energy on “winning the argument” and “being right” and complaining about each other, you can now focus on what will make you happy and satisfied as a person and as a couple.

Where before your mind was running in circles with critical thoughts, now you have the space to create. The cycle of addiction loses its grip, and intimacy rushes in to take its place.

What couples don’t realize is that adrenaline, which drains and depletes you, is very different from the flow, or “harmonizing” hormones secreted when we are loving and feeling loved. And these hormones — unlike adrenaline — can be renewed and built on, time and again!

Our Suffering is never cause by the person we are blaming

 

Our 30 Day Commitment to Peace Starts Today October 1, 2014 October 1, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 1:59 pm
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I have started a FaceBook Page for A 30 Day Commitment to Peace, IF it feels right for you, please ask to JOIN and I will add you, it is invitation only, we are committing to reading the following and many other things to Shift our thinking. We will be creating our own Commitment to Peace statements as well for next week, more information about this is at the bottom of this writing.

Our Readings and Statements for Our 30 day Commitment to Peace

The following is Our Truth Statement for the next 30 days please read daily, at least once in the morning and once in the evening and as many times as needed during the day:

I am the dreamer of this dream and the world that I see is a manifestation of my thoughts and feelings.

This world has no other cause, and I have had enough of pain, suffering and death.

I will choose Love instead of fear – Peace instead of conflict.

I will no longer look on disaster and catastrophe.

I will no longer look on myself and others as if we were bodies.

I will look on myself and others as if we were immortal beings of Light eternally joined in a world of light.

AND Each day of the 30 day Commitment to the Peace, we commit to awakening to Truth by reading the following:

1. It is Love that I fear more than anything.

It is IN the Love of God that my separate personal identity (the self with the small s), and my little make-believe world will disappear.

Yes, my defenses would keep this Love from penetrating, and my defenses are strong, but not that strong.

2.The world that I see is only dreaming and I am the dreamer of this world.

It has nothing to do with God. Nor does it have any real effect on the safe and certain changelessness of Reality.

There is “Peace” far beyond understanding, to be found in that changelessness.

I will close my eyes and let my awareness take root in the changeless.

This world, which never was, will disappear in that eternal Peace.

3. This seemingly live experience is as easy or as hard as I want to make it.

And I am the only one who could possibly deprive myself of anything.

Love is all there IS – what I don’t give IS what I deprive myself of.

4. I have experienced the power of my mind. I know I have.

I thought it one moment, and the next moment it came to pass.

And I knew, or at least suspected, that this was the result of my mind.

And IF it was the result of my mind, then the question would have to be, “is my mind just a little powerful some of the time, or is it all Powerful ALL of the time?”

5. The quantum guys are pretty sure that wave-like patterns of energy behave differently depending on who is looking – the observer has an effect on that which is being observed.

Is this the power of my mind?

Is this why things, situations and events sometimes seem to manifest and change in response to my thinking?

But how could this be if the world that I see is separate, apart and outside of me?

Of course, if it is all just dreaming, then I could understand.

The world that I see is not outside of me. Cause and effect are not apart.

I am literally looking at my own thoughts and feelings. Which would explain why I can only see it if I believe it.

6. It doesn’t really exist. It’s just a projection of my mind. There is no world. Wow!

That’s a game changing realization. Is there a me, or am I just an image in the dream?

Am I the dreamer of the dream making the mistake of identifying with one of the images in my dream? And what about the others?

If I am the dreamer of the dream, then they are just projections of my mind. There is only me, and I am the only cause of the world that I see.

7. If I am going to assume my rightful place as ruler of my kingdom I am going to have to release all victim mentality.

I am going to have to stop blaming God for the bad stuff, and I am going to have to stop giving Him credit for the good that comes my way.

I am doing this to myself – the results of my mind.

I am forever grateful to God for the Love that I am and that continues to fill me every moment, and that joins me with all of creation.

And again we read the Commitment Statement:

I am the dreamer of the dream and the world that I see is a manifestation of my thoughts and feelings.

This world has no other cause, and I have had enough of pain, suffering and death.

I will choose love instead of fear – peace instead of conflict.

I will no longer look on disaster and catastrophe.

I will no longer look on myself and others as if we were bodies.

I will look on myself and others as if we were immortal beings of light eternally joined in a world of light.

We will be making our OWN statement for what we are WILLING to reduce by 50% this coming week so please be an observer of what you LET interfere with your Peace through out your day… and remember, we do NOT stop criticizing by criticizing ourselves, we do NOT stop blaming by blaming ourselves, we do not stop any behavior by focusing on it, we turn 180 degrees from it and start a new behavior, let that become our “habit” and lets see where that takes us… SO, we are going to observe over the next week what we LET interfere with our Peace… post it here (if you are willing) and Next week we will be making our own statements.. Example “I commit this week to reducing blame in my relationship by 50%” or “I commit this week to reducing criticism in my relationships (or at work or any specific or general area) by 50%” “I commit to reducing guilt in my life this week by 50%” and we are going to be specific on how… Example “I will give 10 times MORE appreciations statements than I will give criticisms” or “When I am feeling less than or fearful and start to blame, I will say something like hmmmmmmmmm, I WONDER what this is here to teach me”

path

 

Upcoming Events 9.22.14 September 22, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 6:31 pm
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I have 2 Online workshops starting, both Stage One… Titled “Taking 100% Responsibility for your OWN HAPPINESS” (therefore taking responsibility for your unhappiness too) One is open to anyone, the other is for Teen Girls IF you know anyone who might be interested, please send me a private message… They are both 6 wks Online, wkly homework and a wkly Conference Call.. the Cost is 125 USD and you can do it from anywhere, however no one is EVER refused due to money concerns.. Feel free to contact me with any questions.. Much Love given and received… Faith

Peace is found on the inside

 

Quotes for Today 9.18.14 September 18, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 4:13 pm
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“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop.” ~ Rumi

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson – Return to Love

Entire ocean in a drop

 

Thought for Today 9.12.14 September 12, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 6:57 pm
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Misperception: As long as you do not perceive reality accurately you will attract a correction to that misperception. Often you interpret the correction as an attack. It isn’t. It is an opportunity for you to see the distortion that fear has created in your thinking and to correct your vision so that you can see what is really there. ~ Everyday Wisdom by Paul Ferrini

lady bug

 

 
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