C.Faith Holland

Soul Coaching

A Sharing on: “Why We Blame Others” Byron Katie January 30, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 3:08 pm
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A sharing on: “Why We Blame Others”

As soon as I merged on to the three lane highway, I saw it. My heart sank.
“Not now,” I thought. This couldn’t be happening.

But, yes, the red light on the dashboard told the truth. My car’s gas tank was empty and there wasn’t a gas station in sight. My next thoughts were of my husband with:

Why didn’t he fill the tank up when he drove the car last night? He knew I was going to need it today. He should have filled it up. Why does he do that (always drive it until it’s empty)? How could he do this to me?

And there I was truly in the midst of the blame game. How often have you done something like this where you instantly look for someone to blame for the situation you suddenly find yourself in?

I’ve just finished reading an excellent book called, “Loving What Is – 4 Questions That Can Change Your Life” by Byron Katie. It’s all about how we cause a lot of our own suffering and grief simply because we tell ourselves how things “should” be or what others “should” have done (he should have filled up the gas tank, my boss should appreciate all the hard work I’ve been putting in lately, my wife should support me). Katie says that events are just events. It’s when beliefs are added that something that “just is” can become much more painful.

In my case, the reality was that I needed to find a gas station. By blaming my husband, I make myself feel hurt and feel that my husband doesn’t care enough about me to make sure the gas tank is full. But, that’s just a belief I’ve added. In reality, it doesn’t mean that at all. The truth could have been as simple that my husband hadn’t even noticed how little gas was left.

It’s my interpretation which causes me the grief and suffering. It also gets in the way of handling the situation. My thinking is more caught up in blame and dealing with the pain of my thoughts and what it all means rather than simply and quickly doing what I need to do (find a gas station).

“We injure ourselves by the negative ideas we entertain. How often have you wounded yourself by getting angry, fearful, jealous, or vengeful? These are the POISONS that enter your subconscious mind, you were not born with these Negative Attitudes. – Joseph Murphy from The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

It’s important to be able to separate what is “reality” and what is caused simply by your thoughts. By letting your thoughts start to blame others and to justify to yourself why it’s not your fault, you make yourself a victim. You’ll also feel like you have no control because something was done to you.

All you need to do is to be aware that it’s only your thinking which is twisting the event. Then you’ll be able to focus on the current situation without having to deal with any added emotional pain.

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts that causes suffering.” – Byron Katie really interesting concept Katie points out is that just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true. You can question your thoughts as soon as you have them. For example:

Is it true that he doesn’t care about me because he didn’t put gas in the car?

Of course not. When you start to question your thoughts, you’ll quickly realize that some of them really are just silly. But, if you don’t question your thinking, then that thought becomes a truth for you whether you realize it or not.

“Often with pain and depression, there are thoughts you’ve had for so long and held so close that you don’t even know they are there. And you’ve never stopped to see if you even believe them.” – Byron Katie

going out going IN

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 1.29.14 January 29, 2014

1. True Giving: True giving is an overflowing of your Love. You don’t feel that you are being depleted when you give in this way. In fact, you feel energized, because the Love you give away returns to you through the gratitude of others whom you have touched. ~Paul Ferrini

2. Bless each thought that engenders fear, gently kissing it on the forehead just as the sleeping child. Resistance cannot reveal rightmindedness.

3. The way to save a meaningless world is to just let it be meaningless. I am the one who gave it meaning when I ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. That gave me strange ideas – opposites, duality, and the ability to judge. By letting it be meaningless I remove all judgment, and where there is no judgment there is no world.

4. Today We Affirm: I am living in a Spiritual Universe, formed from loving Thought. My thought is creative and is creating my world today. Today I choose grateful, joyous, and loving thoughts as I know that these thoughts will be reflected back to me. I do not have to design the ways and means for this is an Intelligent Universe that knows HOW and when and where. My part is to align myself with my greater good as I RELAX and allow in calm expectancy – my heart and mind open and receptive. This is a day of divine fulfillment and limitless possibilities for good. I happily participate as I allow my Creative Imagination to vision only the best knowing there is no need to worry or rush. The Universe has perfect timing and knows where to find me. My faith and belief in the good are growing and expanding daily. There is no opposite to this Divine Power and Presence. All is well in me and in my world.

5. “Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” ~ Tagore. Faith represents a deep Trust that speaks to me when i lose sight of who i am in Truth. Thanks Diederik

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 1.28.14 January 28, 2014

1. We simply do what is in front of us to do at any given time. We watch it all unfold without regrets or expectations – without trying to understand it, give it meaning, or judge it in any way. And regardless of what may seem to be happening, we abide in the peace of an awareness of our eternally changeless reality.

2. It’s not that bad things don’t seem to happen anymore. After enlightenment bad things still “seem” to happen. It’s just that we no longer judge whether it is good or bad, and so to us it is neither. We simply accept whatever seems to be happening knowing that nothing is happening, and we are not even the one it may seem to be happening to.

 

3. Do not judge another as being unworthy of love, for you are judging yourself. Do not compare or compete. Who are you comparing? Who are you competing against? There is only you. Be gentle, patient, kind and tolerant. Let your words reflect only mercy. Teach only love. See the perfection in another (the Christ) and you will find it in yourself.

 

4. Judgment is when I see in a way that would have me believe in what is not true – in a way that would have me withhold love.

 

5.  We are awake in the dream when we know that it is just dreaming and we are no longer deceived – we no longer give it meaning or judge it in any way. Awake enough to see glimmerings of light beyond the appearances and to feel the joy associated with our awareness of an inner radiance. Awake enough to be aware of Love.

 

6. We are manifesting things and experiences all of the time. That’s what dreamers do. But most of it is according to old default settings. Our fears, judgments, guilt and grievances have been a part of us for so long that we are not aware of what our minds are doing and manifesting. It takes some willingness and vigilance to become aware and to change – to choose Peace, Love and Gratitude each moment. Thanks Benny 

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 1.26.14 January 26, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 5:25 pm
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1. Happiness is not something that you get in life. Happiness is something that you bring to Life. 

 

2. “I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.” ~ Paul Simon.

 

3. The game of love is so easy to fall prey to because it appears to be so close to what Love actually is, but its not ! Love does not use another, nor does it hide the best part for last, or keep you waiting for it. Love is full on love and you know it when you ARE it. If a companion is meant to be in your life, it will be because you are ready to give/receive the love that you ARE, not because you are going to get ‘love’.

 

4. What you focus on will manifest. What you resist will persist because you are focusing on it. If you try to solve problems by focusing on them you will likely be perpetuating them. A good way to deal with problems is to trust in, and expect, a miracle. And then stop focusing on them. Trust is the operative factor. If there is something you need to do, you will be told and/or gently lead. Another way to deal with problems is to recognize that you have no problems.

Secret Garden

 

Thoughts and Quotes for Today 1.23.14 January 23, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 6:27 pm
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1. I’ve never met anybody with less integrity than myself. ~ Byron Katie   (before we start defending our stand or “integrity”, we can re-member Life is showing UP as our mirror… what are my judgments thoughts against the world? what am I defending against? what am I making wrong?? it’s ALL ME showing UP for ME to see my false beliefs or errors about the world and ask for correction/healing)

 

2. I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.
I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.
I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.
I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him. I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me. ~ ACIM Chapter 3

 

3. Today We Affirm: Here in my own yard, all is well.  I stay in my own business and clean up my own vibration by choosing the thoughts that feel good when I think them. There is a Power and a Presence which guides my actions and leads my feet as I align myself with Higher Thoughts. There is no need to struggle or strive to get somewhere. I am following my joy and peace through the open doors. I am anointed with Grace to accomplish all with ease as I relax into the downstream thoughts, knowing that all is well.

 

4. Don’t be a storehouse of memories. Leave past, future and even present thoughts behind. Be a witness to life unfolding by itself. Be free of all attachments, fears and concerns by keeping your mind inside your own heart. Rest in Being. Like this, your life is always fresh and imbued with pure joy and timeless presence. Be happy, wise and free. ~ Mooji 

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 1.22.14 January 22, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 6:50 pm
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1. I had an abusive relationship once and I found a way out. That relationship was with myself. ~ Byron Katie 

 

2. Self Nurturing is far more than pampering, it’s about returning Home to your Heart… Brene Brown

 

3. We are sensitive to the suffering of others because our awareness has expanded and become more inclusive. The next step is to transform that suffering by bringing light into the darkness rather than letting that pain pull us down into the swamp of sadness and suffering.

 

4. We may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control your attitude and how you deal with it. 4

 

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 1.20.14 January 20, 2014

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 5:00 pm
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1. If you’re alone in a room and you’re suffering, eventually it will dawn on you that you’re the one who’s causing it. Checkmate. ~ Bryon Katie

 

2. Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts. ~ Buddha

 

3. Is our personal spiritual quest selfish? Our mind is the only mind that we can be vigilant with – the only mind we can use to choose again. And yet, there is no self that is separate from all of us. Therefore, any progress that any one of us makes towards peace and love is beneficial to all of us. In fact, our own awakening is the greatest contribution any one of us can make for the good of all, including our loved ones. Accepting the atonement for our self is the way that I save the world. Thanks Benny

 

4. Can you live with all the ups and downs of the human experience and still be conscious of, and nurtured by, the truth of who you are?  YES! Awakening is not just for the sages of the past sitting on a mountaintop. It is for you. !~ Gangaji

 

5. What I resist has a tendency to persist because I am putting energy into it and perpetuating it by focusing on it. The more successful I am at just witnessing suffering and the sufferer, without identifying with any of it, the less urgency I feel about having to resist – and the more quickly it passes. Such is the power of acceptance and surrender.

 

Hurt your feelings

 

 
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