C.Faith Holland

Soul Coaching

Thoughts and Quotes for Today 2.28.13 February 28, 2013

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 3:20 pm
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1. “Bodies don’t think, care, or even have any problem with themselves. They never beat themselves up or shame themselves. They simply try to keep themselves balanced and healthy. They’re entirely efficient, intelligent, kind, and resourceful. Where there’s no thought, there’s no problem. It’s the story we believe prior to doing inquiry that leaves us confused. I tell the story of my body, and because I haven’t inquired, I believe that my body is the problem and that if only this or that changed, I’d be happy. But my suffering can’t be my body’s fault.” ~ Byron Katie

 

2. The mind may not be able to give you understanding; but, it can give you the choice for Peace beyond it.

 

3. The way of the Miracle-Worker is to see all human behavior as either Love, or a call for Love.

 

4.  ‎”Avoiding conflict does not mean creating inner conflict at the cost of not speaking up or standing up for yourself. It is the manner in which it is done, and it can be achieved peacefully.”

 

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Question and Answer from Bryon Katie

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 1:54 pm

Dear Katie,

I read a saying of yours: “Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility.”

What’s the best way for someone who has suffered (such as a child who was beaten or a person raped) to make sense of this philosophy?

Should a person ignore or glide over such things? “Oh, the person stomping on that child’s head and killing her is fine, I’m judging him, and I shouldn’t do that, it’s the child who needs to recognize that the person stomping on her head and taking her life is just part of this magical journey. That’s hard to do. And besides, how convenient for the perpetrator!

Can you explain this, please?

Candice

* * * * *
Dearest Candice,

Thank you for the questions. I will comment on your post line by line.

What’s the best way for someone who has suffered (such as a child who was beaten or a person raped) to make sense of this philosophy?

The best way is for them to identify and question what they were believing in that cruel situation as it was happening. They can do this later–even years later. They can fill out a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet and do The Work on those thoughts.

When children (or adults, for that matter) believe the thoughts they are thinking during and after a painful event, they suffer. It is not the painful event that causes their suffering once the event is over; it is their thoughts about the event. This is hard for some people to hear, but if you take a closer look, it is obvious. The event is in the past; the thoughts are in the present–thoughts of shame, anger, humiliation, depression, unworthiness, resentment, and so on–and it is only in the present that we live. Children have no way to question these thoughts, so they can’t help suffering over them. It’s not their fault that they suffer. They just don’t know that suffering comes from believing our painful thoughts. This is why without inquiry, it’s so difficult to overcome a trauma during and after the fact.

The thing that happened as a child, or the thing that upset us yesterday, will stay with us for as long as we live, as long as we still believe what we were believing in that situation. Inquiry can break the spell; it wakes us up from those living nightmares, and many people who have been raped or beaten or tortured and who later discovered The Work can testify to that. As little children we can’t question our thoughts, but as adults those of us who have been fortunate enough to have stumbled upon The Work do have an opportunity to set ourselves free. Some people will dismiss this possibility with thoughts such as “It’s not possible,” “It can’t be that easy,” ”There’s no way out of such suffering,” “Katie is wrong, or crazy.” But if your mind is open, even a little bit, you may be able to try The Work and see for yourself. The Work is not a philosophy. It’s a way that will let you discover that all suffering has been a misunderstanding, our own. I don’t ever expect people to question their thoughts. My job is to simply offer a way out of suffering, and to pass on what I have come to understand from experience. What I love about The Work is that anyone can do it and can end their suffering. It just takes an open mind and a sincere desire to know the truth for yourself–not my truth or anyone else’s, but your truth, the truth living inside you that will set you free.

So in my experience, the way to make sense of what I am saying is to do The Work. Just try it. I don’t know a better, or another, way.

Should a person ignore or glide over such things?

I was never able to do that. I suffered before I found The Work, and stopped suffering after I found The Work. It has been a long time since I felt any anger, sadness, or fear. The way I became free was by not ignoring or gliding over such things. I had to face them, to look back on those terrible and seemingly unjust situations that I suffered as a child, and as an adult, to write them down and question the thoughts I had at the time. I had to travel back and to see in my mind’s eye that situation, no matter how terrible it was, and to fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. I had to fill out one Worksheet for each situation. I remembered as much as possible of what I was seeing, feeling, thinking, and believing in those moments. I used to suffer when those images would arise in my mind, and now I don’t. In fact, all those old memories bring a sense of compassion, freedom and gratitude, not ever suffering.

“Oh, the person stomping on that child’s head and killing her is fine,

No, of course not. Free doesn’t mean crazy. A free mind is intelligent, kind, and loving. It understands what an abused child is going through, and it also understands the pain that the abuser is going through. Anyone who would harm another human being is confused, and confusion is the only suffering in this world. I have come to understand from experience that if I believed what that person believed in the moment he or she was abusing the child, I could be doing the same thing. If the child, now grown up, comes to me and wants to be free, I am totally available, and if the abuser wants to be free, I am totally available. It is never fine to hurt anyone. That is not what I was talking about when I said, “Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person.” Someone may cause me pain, but if my mind is clear, there will be no suffering on my part. Suffering is a mental reaction, and it comes from believing my thoughts about what happened. It is true that no one outside me can hurt me, in the sense of causing me mental or emotional pain. I have questioned my mind, and I have discovered an inner peace that flows beyond anything I could have wished or prayed for. (I also invite you to consider that even physical pain is a projection of mind. You can discover this truth for yourself through inquiry.)

I’m judging him, and I shouldn’t do that,

Of course you should do that. How could you not do it, since you are believing your thoughts about him? Have you noticed that you are stomping on him in your mind and justifying it as being okay? This is the lack of awareness that is so painful in each of us. Each of us can ask ourselves, Where am I like him when I am attacking someone I love? Where do I do to him and to others in my mind what he has done in physical reality? Whom have I mentally or verbally attacked today?

We all make judgments, all the time. That is how the ego survives. With The Work, we put those judgments on a Worksheet and question them. Judge the perpetrator, by all means, but use that judgment for inquiry, as a way to enlighten yourself about yourself and the real cause of your suffering. This is nothing that I can teach. I can point the way to it, and everyone has to find their own freedom for themselves. And when you do, that very perpetrator–perhaps in your own life, the adult who abused you when you were a child–can be your way to forgiveness and self-understanding.

it’s the child who needs to recognize that the person stomping on her head and taking her life is just part of this magical journey.

The children in pain cannot recognize it. It is only possible for the adults, the ones who used to be those children, to go back, identify what they were believing in that hurtful situation, question it, and set themselves free. A sane mind is a fearless mind and through inquiry can see that all of life is good without exception, even the apparently bad things that happen. Forgiveness is love in action and the result of self-inquiry.

That’s hard to do.

Yes, it is. Our children learn fearful and angry beliefs from us, and they, like us, have no choice but to live what they believe. What are we teaching through our own negative, fearful beliefs?

And besides, how convenient for the perpetrator.

I cannot excuse or condone the perpetrator. It is very painful to hurt a child, or to hurt anyone, and anyone who does suffers for it, lives in guilt, anger, and self-hatred that they may not even be aware of or able to articulate. If I hurt a child, it is because I am believing my negative, unquestioned thoughts about me, the world, and even that innocent child, and I am crazy enough to justify those beliefs as well. If I hurt a child, I suffer all the days of my life, or until I wake up to reality and begin to make right the wrongs I have done. But as long as I believe my negative thoughts about you, about me, about any hurtful situation, I will continue to do the negative things that I have done. So as long as I can’t stop myself from hurting children: if you care about me, please stop me; lock me up for my sake, the child’s sake, and your own.

I often say that reality is good just as it is, and when people ask me if that means that I condone war, rape, violence, or cruelty, I say, “Certainly not.” I just notice that if I believe they shouldn’t exist when they do exist, I suffer. My job is to end the injustice in my world, the war inside me, and that has made the world a better place, since there is one less violent, angry person in the world now. If I am at war with reality, I’m continuing in myself the very thing that I want to end in the world. A sane mind doesn’t suffer. Through inquiry, you can begin to eliminate war for one human being: you.

Can you explain this, please?

I hope that this has helped you, dear one. I am very touched by the honesty and courage of your response to my quote. I hope that I have made it a bit clearer. Ultimately, though, understanding can’t be arrived at by any kind of reasoning or explanation. I could finally only understand these things from within the questioned mind. So I invite you to test the quote for yourself by doing The Work on someone who has hurt you badly. Judge that person, write it down, ask four questions, and turn it around. This was my way to freedom, and maybe it will be yours too.

In salute to your courage,
Byron Katie

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 2.27.13 February 27, 2013

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 12:46 pm
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1. “Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” -Leo F. Buscaglia

 

2. “If a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind” – Seneca.

 

3. Two ways to avoid suffering: 1) recognize that you are doing this to yourself – understand how and why – and stop doing suffering to yourself, or 2) stop identifying with anything that suffers because that is not who/what you are in reality. You will find that you cannot do one without doing the other. 

 

4. Immersing our self in the essence of Life does not require attaching our self to circumstances.

 

5. Strong people don’t put others down. They life them up. 

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Thoughts and Quotes for Today 2.26.13 February 26, 2013

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 1:09 pm
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1. You don’t have to make anything happen. Just align with what wants to happen and let it.” ~ Alan Cohen 

2. Happiness is our nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is not helpful is seeking it outside when it is inside. 

3. Open your eyes, for this world is only a dream. ~ Rumi

4. If we think there is something we need to get (a person, thing, situation or event) for fulfillment, completion and happiness, we are thinking with our ego mind. Spirit (the reality of you) is Eternally Whole (Wholly) and its Joy is complete – it is not aware of a need to get anything…. What could EVERYTHING NEED… 

 

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Thoughts and Quotes from 2.23.13 February 25, 2013

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 4:20 pm

This post from 2.23.13 disappeared as well and people were redirected to another later post so I am reposting this one as well… wordpress has been weird the last several days so please hold the space for perfect order with this adventure… 😉

1. Love your children for who they are, not for who you want them to be!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge6vL55DgcI The Work, amazing video from Byron Katie on my son is selfish, is that true

2. “I don’t change, and I only see change in you if you say that there’s change. You are my inner life. You’re the voice of myself, reporting my health at all times. Sickness or health it’s all fine with me. You are sad, you are not sad; you don’t understand, you understand; you are peaceful; you are upset; you are this you are that. I am each cell reporting itself. And beyond all change, I know that each cell is always at peace. ” ~ Byron Katie

 

3. “I am enough. I am full of sparkle and compassion. I genuinely want to make the world a better place. I love hard. I practice kindness. I am not afraid of the Truth. I am loyal, adventurous, supportive, and surprising. I am a woman. I am enough. I make mistakes, I own them and learn from them. Sometimes I make a lot of mistakes.” ~ Molly Maher

 

4. Prepare for, assume, and expect success in all your endeavors both personal and in work. Get behind your own dreams and be on your own team – if you do, you will draw others who will too. ~ Jacob Glass

 

precious child

 

An amazing Article on Living Simply and Releasing the Struggle

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 4:14 pm

Not sure what happened to the post I did on this last week, but it was such a wonderful article that I really thought it was worth posting it… it was NOT my writing AND it is perfect… I have no idea where it went but people have asked me what happened to it so I am re-posting it…Thank you for being here and requesting to read it again…

 

Life is short. You have a finite number of days to live. How are you going to spend them? Are you going to live someone else’s life, go through someone else’s motions, or you are going to get clear about what matters most to you and get on with living that?

I have these blinding flashes of urgency often. I go to bed determined to get up the next day and live the simple life I crave. The first email or call so often sets me on a path to another day of more of the same scrambling to keep my head above water. Sound familiar?

It turns out that living simply is more complex than good intentions. The reality is that people and circumstances often get in the way of simplicity. It takes some planning, some hardnosed choices and a whole lot of discipline to live simply. You have to plan for a life with fewer plans. You have to prepare to be spontaneous. You have to put well being on your to do list.

There is a massively subtle distinction between straightforward and simple, and a similar difference between complicated and complex. If we can understand these distinctions, it can help us live the life we seek.

Life is rarely straightforward but it CAN be simple. I don’t know about you but I don’t even WANT life to be straightforward. For me it’s the complexities of life that make it interesting. I love that everyone is different and (most of the time) I enjoy the delicate interaction of all of this diversity. I love (most of the time) the paradoxes in my own personality, my own ever changing blend of extroversion and introversion. I love (most of the time) not knowing the future. It means it’s always open and full of possibilities. As Gilda Radner said,

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

I don’t want a straightforward life, but I do want a simple life. I believe I can have both. Simplicity for me is a mindset and a priority of choices. If I keep my values clear in my mind, I can deal with any complexity. The more I accept the complexities of life, and stop expecting them to be otherwise, and continually make choices that support my values, I can work toward a simple life.

The problem is that I tend to complicate things. Complexity I love. Complications I can do without.

Take for example this crazy scenario. While typing this article, I was straining to see my screen. I’m in the middle of a long transition to wearing glasses for reading. It’s long mainly because of stubbornness and denial. Changing the size of the font, contorting my neck and squinting to see the screen, I refused to reach out one arm’s length to grab my glasses and solve the problem.

Stubbornness and denial are just two of the many reasons we make things harder than they need to be. If only I would own the complexities of aging I would stop complicating my life with denial. In other words, things don’t have to be perfect to be perfectly simple. It’s all in how you look at life.

It’s like the old Buddhist saying, “When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.”

Striving for simplicity? Stop trying. It’s like looking for your glasses. You can’t find them because you don’t have your glasses on. You can’t find peace of mind as if it’s outside of you. You are looking without the benefit of the very thing that will get you there. It’s as if the glasses are lost on the top of your head. Just tilt your head to the sky, take in the night sky, feel your place in the miracle of it all, let your head lower back to the reality in front of you and peace of mind will fall into place, like glasses falling gently back into position. Let simplicity unfold effortlessly in your life.

There’s a great story about the time master magician Harry Houdini was locked in a jail cell. He was shackled and handcuffed and left in the cell. He went to work, freeing himself from the shackles, then removing the handcuffs. Finally he set to work on the cell door lock. He had no luck. He tried everything but couldn’t pick the lock. Finally, in desperation, he gave up and leant back exhausted against the door. It swung open and he fell out. It had never been locked.

Peace of mind is much the same. We strive to find it when all we need to do it let go and stop complicating things.

Life is complex and this is part of the beautiful, perfect imperfection of life. But it can be simple. You still have to make complex decisions; about when to put a pet down, how to convince your kids to soar higher than the words of those around them that want to drag them down, how to rebuild trust after betrayal, and so many other daily decisions.

But when you stop complicating it with denial, stubbornness and unrealistic expectations, you can tune in to an innate wisdom that will know what to do, when and how. Tune in and listen. Stop the struggle.

As Einstein said, “”Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.”

horse adn girl

 

Thoughts and Quotes for Today 2.24.13 February 24, 2013

Filed under: Love — C. Faith Holland @ 3:03 pm

1. You have no problems, though you think you have. You are not even the you that thinks it has problems. As a matter of fact, that is the only problem you have. Thanks Benny

2. ”There are no new stressful thoughts. They’re all recycled. One mind. no seperations. No way to imagine infinite mind not being stuck. We are feeling the thoughts because they are restricted. The mind must be free. It is so intelligent and has no limitations, its pure intelligence when it’s free, and its stuck when it believes what it thinks and the mind does its job. its job as a seeker is to think the truth. It’s its own truth that sets it free. We have a thought; “she doesn’t care” and the mind gives all the proof you need to prove it.

We are freeing the mind. There is nothing else to free. It is simple to question the mind. The mind follows what it thinks. And I don’t want to go there. Mind is fearful of knowing itself as something other than an object. Who would it be without its story?” ~ Byron Katie

3. Beloveds, let the old way of doing business die out; coercion, manipulation, desperation, deceit, befriending people only to promote yourself..  BE the presence of love that you are and trust it all to unfold as it will from a purely organic and innocent space of Authenticity.

“I had a vision the other day of my ‘future’ where I had just done some amazing bodywork on a client and she was so happy and felt much better. Then she says to me “Oh, I feel so good! I am going to send you so many clients.” I smiled and politely told her that was very sweet but not necessary. She looked puzzled. I explained to her that that way of “doing business” was something that did not resonate for me. I then told her it would be much more valuable to simply share her own experience with only those she felt deeply led to, then let THEM intuit for themselves–let them get a FEEL for it–and decide for themselves if coming to me was a good idea for them. As we go deeper into our hearts we will do only things that resonate deeply. This is how we create peace within ourselves and all around us.”

We can forget about promoting our self; book, art, music, teaching-mentoring, coaching, sales, classes, etc. Focus on assisting humanity and we will see much greater results. If we show a real interest in our community and we will naturally attract to us those that want to utilize what we are offering.

 

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